Kay works the front-desk and normally takes all the calls that come in. Tied up on the other line, this one rolled over to the rest of the office. I answered. I had no idea what I was in for.

It has now been 7 weeks since I first started my new job of working at the church. I love it. I love getting to spend my days in the house of the Lord working towards the purpose of glorifying God and strengthening His body. I get to not just think about missions all day, but I actually get paid to help other people get to do it. How amazing is that! God is so good.

When I took this job, I knew that the pay cut wouldn’t be the only stretching I would have to do. I knew this job would be training for me, but I thought it would mostly be in the area of international missions and learning the in’s and out’s of how a ministry functioned. I’m beginning to realize that what God had in store for me was so much bigger, so much harder…  It’s about service.

The longer I work at a church, the more I see the great needs of the people in our surrounding communities. There are constantly people calling & coming in… bills they need help paying, prayer requests, needing to speak to a pastor, needing counseling, needing help, help, help. It begins to feel so overwhelming. How does a church possibly bear the weight of a community’s expectations that you’re there to help people while still managing to care for its own members and pay its own bills?

Lynn is her name. For someone like me who is uncomfortable speaking on the phone with even my closest friends, Lynn stretched me simply through our 45 minute phone conversation. She needed help paying her bills. She doesn’t have a job, lives in low-income housing, and is about to be evicted. She eagerly unloads her story of having no friends or family and constantly getting the run-around from not only government agencies but also churches who claim to care but do nothing. The church. My heart sinks.I feel the weight of embarrassment and disappointment of our society’s church. It’s reflecting upon me, upon my Jesus. I know the truth- that Jesus never turns us away. This woman does not. She’s right at my fingertips, yet a million miles away.

She has a story. She has heavy hurts, disappointments. I can see them all. I can see what she’s missing. It’s not about corrupt governmental systems and charities run by fallen and imperfect man. It’s about relationship with God the Father. She thinks it’s about money, but it’s about turning her life over to Him. Yet I know that she doesn’t have the ability to see it. “Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God’.”- John 3:3

I do my best to speak life over her. A few drops of hope amidst a thunderstorm of despair. Bolts of lighting of truth followed by the flooding rain of despair that has plagued her life. Please, God, breathe upon my words. I ended with praying for her, thanking God for her. God was with us. This matter-of-fact, cold and embittered woman that I had heard for over half-an-hour complaining about others, finally revealed that scared little girl in her. Through her tears, she manages to muster what her heart truly feels. Softly she asks, “Where do you think God is now?” I respond, “I think He’s a lot closer than you think, Lynn.”

Her call, although it could easily seem like a distraction from what I needed to do today, I truly believe was the most important thing I did all day. I stopped for the one. And although it stretched me and forced me to sit in my own muddy pile of insecurities for far longer that I wanted to, I got to shine a light where there was no light, no hope. Is that not what I’m doing there? Certainly it’s not to shine light where there is already light!

As my day continued and now into the night, I can’t stop thinking about Lynn. What is it, God? Why can’t I get her out of my mind? What do I do with this? How do I carry this? This is what I wrestle with. From day to day, I wrestle with a new situation, a new person, and my heart breaks once again. Every day asking, “God, what do you want me to do in this situation?” It’s incredibly humbling.

Teach me, Lord, how to do this! How to carry your name and follow you.